Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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