capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
