Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
