I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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