dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
