Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
