Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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