once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think your dad took our porno
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
