I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
