so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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