My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
