he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
