Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
