you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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