do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
