thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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