you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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