Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
