Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Buhtt sex?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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