You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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