I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
