Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
