Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
