She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
