she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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