All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
