im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
