Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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