i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
