At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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