Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
