Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize