I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
