And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize