I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize