I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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