I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
