So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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