Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
