He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
