If i come over, it means nothing
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
