Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
