Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
