So drunk, too bad you don't want this
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Boobs are out for the taking
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
