the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
