If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Text me some of your sweat
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
