drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
