I wanna bring you to show and tell
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Randomize
