My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
