Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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