No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
