My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
