no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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