I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
