I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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