there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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