Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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