jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
