that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my liver is dry heaving
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
