jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize