Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize