Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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