Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
