I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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