So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
40s are totally the cure
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
