I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize