i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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