hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
