i barfeds in our rink
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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