I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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