she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
