I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
